Thanks for the good info in this thread. I have done a couple of things. I have configured irexec and the power off in vdr to shutdown vdr on the client, and another button to start up vdr. That seems to do the trick for the time being.
Also I've matched the framerate from video to TV and it is much better - thanks Thomas!
I have 2 other issues with the RPI:
On an older LCD with a buggy edid, when I turn off the TV, then turn it back on I must reset the RPI at just the right time to get video back. It doesn't seem to be sending an HDMI command to reset (or whatever command it needs) at any point.
Also on this older TV, any non-2 channel audio is being heard. Anyone know how to downgrade 5 or 6 channel sound to 2 channel for proper HDMI out?
Regarding shutdown based on whether the TV is on or not, perhaps CEC could help in most instances. In my case with the one older TV it wouldn't help but that's my problem. :)
Norm