Do you start vdr with --lirc option? If you use --lirc for vdr-sxfe you should give --lirc to vdr (at least I don't).
No, that will not work. If you give both vdr and vdr-sxfe the option --lirc you will get every action twice. I use the option --lirc with vdr-sxfe and the option --lirc=/dev/null with vdr, so that I can use lirc with xbmc after I have stopped vdr-sxfe without stopping vdr.
Gerald